Writing I Do Not Do:

Grant Writing, Business Plans, Annual Reports

While I can write dry and professional with the best of them, these simply aren’t my thing. Note: I will write the interesting introduction letter for any of these. 

Graded Essays

Sorry kids, I’m not doing your schoolwork, even if Mom and Dad said it was ok and gave you the credit card (well wait… how high is the limit?)

Please note that I said graded essays. I will write personal essays for college / med school applications.

Legal Writing

I’m always puzzled when people think they can hire a copywriter instead of a lawyer for legal writing. I don’t write terms and conditions, privacy policies, contracts, or anything that needs to be legally bulletproof.

Work I Do Not Do:

Graphic/Web Design

I’m a decent enough designer (stop laughing – this website is plain on purpose!) But honestly, I do not feel I am good (or fast) enough to charge my “writing rates” for it. So I’ll pass.  

That said, I will lay out your work in MS Word, and it’ll look nice (after all, the layout is important to easy reading). And if I’m writing web copy, I’ll usually make it look like your website and how I want it to look.  I can also advise you on UI/UX. 

Sometimes the writing requires pictures. I will generally depend on you for those. If you need me to, I can find stock images that work, but I’m going to give you the watermarked sample pic and you/your designer can go to Shutterstock (et al) and buy the legal one.

Admin / Process Setup / Anything that Requires a Login

I do all this stuff for myself, but I don’t want to log in to anything on your end.     

I will write everything. But I deliver it to you in MS Word / PDF docs. So someone on your end needs to get it on the web, into your email service, into your sales funnel, onto Adwords/Facebook, etc. 

Note: If you become a steady monthly client, some of this can be part of our work. We’ll talk. 

People I Do Not Work For

Note: this is all in good fun. But if you do see yourself here, trust me, you should address that. Shout out to my fellow copywriters too: I know you’ve dealt with every one of these. E-mail me, we’ll talk about them!

The impatient type-A who yells a lot and needs it done now – You get it done because you take no prisoners. You’re fast to the punch and even faster on the draw. You’re an aggressive disruptor. You work hard and you play hard. You say weekends are for the weak, and you use the word “runway” a lot. And I find you really unpleasant. Go away.

The “do this one for a low price, and there will be a lot more later” person –  Let’s see… I’ll do cheap work so I can get… more cheap work! What a treat for me!

The “I need this to go viral” person – Err, you do realize that doesn’t happen on demand, right? Trust me, if I could make that happen whenever I wanted, I wouldn’t be here talking to you.

The “This shouldn’t take you more than half an hour” person – It’s cute when people try and assert their dominance by telling others how long their work should take. You are well on your way to earning your “Impatient Type A” badge. Good job!